she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
only if we run a train.
done.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
