if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
