i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
