Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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