If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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