There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
