dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize