Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize
