I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
So much rum. So many feels.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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