I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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