I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
