I think my fart just growled at me.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
