I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
