i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
