tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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