She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
