The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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