I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
