Soap is not a condiment
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
