dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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