I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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