wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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