I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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