glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
