I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I want her autograph on my taint
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
