kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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