just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
