Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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