just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
