K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
