im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
