I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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