My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
