So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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