So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
