Bisexual people are plain selfish.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
