I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
