He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
