eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
YAS. BRING CRAB.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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