maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize