I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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