No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize