Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
