if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize