marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
