Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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