Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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