hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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