put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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