you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
