So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Randomize
