We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
