dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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