You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
