dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I touched a dick in church today
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
