? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
