wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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