drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
