sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
