I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
