ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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