I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
