that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
