You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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