whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
